Yesterday was HOT here. I’d decided to take the car to get the exhaust fixed, did this in the morning, thought i felt a bit odd walking back. Decided if another panic was pending the best thing was to be active and work through it…. I added some more to my little veg plot and cleared one of the pathways beside the old barn.
Panic still kinda pending, cant explain but it was. Started watering the new seeds and WHAM panic…. ok not too bad, work through it… NOT working. Its getting worse gone right up my face and giving a brain freeze and the worst pain in my head. I go to neighbours for help, the woman opposite saw i was in trouble and closed her door, the woman next door did not answer dispite seeing me at the door.
Nookie was in BIG trouble now 😦 I rounded up my animals and got them in the house. Its stupid but when these panics hit you really think your time is up, and I wanted to ensure the animals where accounted for. Now i’m doing stupid things … and fall over. My head feels like no panic i’ve ever had and the pain in my arms and face is really nasty. I have to ring for an ambulance, they arrive very fast however.
The guys obviously never seen a panic mid flow before? Not realising that touching me is gonna flip me out. They cant stop me moving (its my way of dealing with it) they cant get me in the ambulance (small spaces heat and lack of air not a good move) so after a min or so …. Nookie triple checks his animals are all there I agree to go to the ambulance. and ALL the neighbours are standing there watching…………………
In the ambulance they do a heart rate test where one guy in french says ‘oh fuck look at that!’ being the heart rate was very very high.. the other guy agrees he’s never seen anything that high before. You can imagine thats gonna calm me right down?
Without warning the thing sets off at high speed with the sirens going!!! errrr Nookie panics more. I really cannot breathe now.. they really are missing the point. They really motored to the hospital and I wont say that was the smoothest or most pleasant ride i ever had! Eventually it subsided, but it has left me with the most odd headache and pain in my arms 😦
The hospital just said ‘go home now’ and ……. its up to me to get a taxi home!! that cost 64€ almost another attack at that price!!!
So there, that is the worst so far in 4 years, most to due to the fact is felt in my head and face ……… i’d try to explain but i cant. Most panic attacks you know you will be ok and you take control, that one was a nasty bastard and really hurt too. Before the ambulance sped off the guy kept telling me my animals are in the house and safe (i knew that)!!! what he was missing was the panic was slamming and pulsing and so powerful at that point i ‘knew’ that was it…….. i wanted to be with my animals 😦 they are my family.
I wont call an ambulance again