miserable

I again spent the entire day in the garden, yet could not tell you waht i actually did….. I was thinking and mooching.

I’m feeling very miserable and let down, also fucking angry and pissed off.

I cleaned a huge pile of laundry. cold water and hand washing ;'( Its not easy to wash jeans or pull-overs, its a pig to get the water out. I have a really big bucked that i wash stuff in, the detergent makes my skin sore, the cold as feck water hardly gets the dirt out of the clothes. Guess they’ll smell fresher even if not very clean.

Thats my point, my clothes are not clean, i’ve a fungus infection on my feet coz they are not clean, when i do wash me the water is not hot and i can only get a small bucket of water warm-ish. Its not enough to do much but wipe the dirt around. 18 months i live like a bum, i now look like a bum and smell like a bum.

I’m feeling very low

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3 Responses to miserable

  1. chanda95 says:

    Nookie..I now times are tough and it really, really sucks what your going through..but YOU have to be tougher than the times. You can’t let it get you down. I know it’s hard but you gotta look on the bright side of things…you have a sucky house..granted..but it’s still better than absolutely nothing and living in a cardboard box. You have a GORGEOUS garden and talent that you don’t realize…you are intelligent and damn funny.

    Living like you do sucks big time but people have been living like that for a long, long time. Only recently have we become what I term “soft and lazy”…you are neither of those.

    I’m sorry nookie..I wish I had the words to make you feel better. Do you have vinegar? or rubbing alcohol..or something along those lines to help with the fungus infection? What about planting some medicinal plants? have you tried that yet?

  2. nookie says:

    thank you. I think we are alike so you’d understand that I often have to sink right down to the lowest level before i see its not so bad. odd but hard to describe.

    thank you for my garden comment. that patch of dirt keeps me going. Dispite the house being utter shit i see no reason it should look it. My mother would approve that it looks the best house/garden externally around here. No one says anything to me, no one ever says anything, but they ‘look’ and i see the faces. Others try to duplicate, and i do not take that as praise i take that a mindless sheep with no ideas and have to steal mine! still they dont have my ability…… and its true i turn wasteland into landscape. windy cold today so missing my time of drifting around planning things. I guess having no money makes me more ingenious? what i do costs nothing also (apart from plants)

  3. chanda95 says:

    But you know what nookie? It is often those things that cost us little or nothing that bring us the most joy. I would rather be sitting in the middle of the mountains smelling the pines and listening to the SILENCE then going to a shopping mall looking for bargains (which I HATE)…I would rather read a good book on my back porch than watch television….

    I don’t think people appreciate the simple things in life anymore. It’s always rush, rush, rush and busy, busy, busy…and people die not ever really getting the chance to slow down and just enjoy life.

    I can just imagine how grand your garden is next to theirs and your right..I doubt any of them will even come close to your abilities in the garden.

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