brief list of where was i?

February 25, 2009

Gone for around 15 months end 2007 until 2009.
Those that care, here is a list of what I did.

go thown out of where i was living (evicted of sorts).
went fishing .
helped cut wood in forest.
drove a tractor.
dragged a trailer.
reversed a trailer (yeah well i still cant, attempt 699.8 and i gave up)
helped cut a suicide attempt down (hanging) (that everyone thought was me!!!)
sang karioke.
stopped drinking (tea total utterly now).
went on kids fairground rides (others drunk not me).
did sexy dancing very very pissed off french at local event…. english decided music was morbid and boring so we sexed it up….. people still mention it.
towed a caravan.
improved my spoken french about 300000000000%.
totally made a garden from waste land to finished.
caused a fight.
broke up a fight.
slapped a bigger guy for trying to cause another fight.
found a really nice friend who has helped me throughout perhaps the worst times.
visited a prison twice.
refused to do the census.
refused to pay tax (still refusing in fact…… i wont budge)
painted all the outside shutters.
washed the car (its an event really)

not a lot but the events of a boring life where money is never much, and there is nothing to do even if it was.

Still cannot believe I sang karioke SOBER!!!!!


This made me giggle

February 23, 2009

clicky linky for the site

Why Does God Hate Trailer Trash?

Deer Pasture,

Me and my momma useta live in Pine Glen Luxury Mobile Home Park. We had us a reel nice singul-wide with a sattulite TV dish and a inflasion swimming pule and us and all are naybors wuz real happy and everything. But last month we wuz sleeping and a giunt tornaydo come in the middle of the nite & smasheded up all are traylurs and sucked my momma right out of bed and smacked up gainst are propane tank . And my bestest frend Danielynn got throwed into a crick before a trackter landed on top of her. I herd that traylers get recked by tornaydos all the time, so im just wondering for how come the Lord hates are guts so dang much.

– Brianna

Dear Brianna,

As Noah’s arkless neighbors discovered long ago, somewhat inclement weather is a sign of the Lord’s peevishness. Indeed, tornadoes have long been referred to by True Christians™ as “the twirling fingers of the Lord,” which He uses to poke and scratch at scabs and obliterate things that displease Him. Among those things, quite clearly, are trailer parks – which the Lord delights in effortlessly flicking into a blizzard of cheap plywood toothpicks and flying corduroy recliners into the sky whenever the mood strikes Him.

But why, with all the sinning going on in the world by crazy Muslims and other folks who worship cats and livestock, does the Lord have such particular, seasonal animosity towards Christians who dwell in mobile homes, you wonder?

Scripture, as always, provides the answer. For Jesus was rather specific in His preferred choice of home construction. “And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock.” Matt. 7:25

What Jesus is saying is that only stupid, cheap, trashy people build their houses on a set of rubber wheels or some stolen cinderblocks — and that He wants nothing to do with them.. The type of people He loves has substantial residences built on solid rock foundations. In other words, not you.

As anyone who enjoys attributing bromides to the Bible will tell you, “God helps those who help themselves.” Since most trailers in the United States are bought by FEMA, they are the shelter of last resort for the poor, lazy and waterlogged. If these folks knew anything about helping themselves, they wouldn’t need a FEMA trailer in the first place. So even if Jesus saw fit to Hoover your mother up from her disintegrating linoleum as she knelt in prayer to Him, or violently hurl elderly Medicare leeches into the highest branches of towering spruce trees and cell phone towers, it is not ours to question why! Perhaps if residents of your community had shown enough drive and perseverance in life, they could have taken up residence on a God-approved cul de sac of two-story fieldstone colonials with solid rock foundations. And then everyone would still be alive today. Ever wonder what the folks in Sodom and Gomorrah were living in? According to Creation Science Archeologists it was, of course, trailers! So, it sounds like you folks got off rather lightly with just a patch of bad weather. I suggest you stop your whining, as Jesus hates that even more.

-Pastor Deacon Fred

White house .org

February 23, 2009

A site dedicated to that insufferable prick george ‘w’ Bush
clicky linky here

its ended………. sadness. was so funny to read but clearly no bush/twat no news.

Afternoon naps

February 23, 2009

I dont often partake the napping in the afternoon, but with little else to do today i slipped into one.

Why do you fall into such a deep sleep in the afternoon???

I can sleep 12hrs at night wake up feeling quite shit but aware and ready to begin the day (remaining).

Not after a 30min snooze in the afternoon though…… i wake feeling lost confused, my mouth dry like someones been at it with a hair dryer or sand paper. I cant remeber what day it is or time, i’m convinced i’ve slept through and lost a day …… etc etc

Words for the week

February 22, 2009

this week i bring you :

Palliard – professional beggar
Miscegine – person of mixed origin (is this where MISC comes from??)
Squab – fat clumsy person
Venally – for sale / goods.
Sforzando – forced or to force
Ianthine – violet coloured
Trouvaille – a happy find

Excellent word of the week for me is:
Thunder-plump – heavy rain in a thunderstorm! So no longer is it “really pissing it down”, it would be a thunder-plump.


Acer Aspire one ab110 (i’m unhappy) its fucked!

February 21, 2009

My lovely little sexy snatch-top is fucked! 2 MONTHS of very very limited use and its fucked.

One of the USB ports keep switching out.
The fan now grinds and makes noises like an electric shaver.
More serious than that: ITS WARPED! the heat it creates has warped it, its no longer sitting flat, the front edge by the touchpad has lifted distorted by heat also. I’d say its TOTAL use in 2 MONTHS has been 6 HOURS.

Awaiting email reply from Acer…. I expect some fast action and exchange to take place.

Confidence is slipping away, I dont like things going wrong……

French taste alert…

February 20, 2009

Another delve through various adverts to produce this collection of horrors.

French have fuck all taste. Houses for sale are either NEVER updated since the year of construction 1940 -50 -60 etc or clearly too small for all the crap to be stored.

enjoy…… cool features, tasteful bathrooms and internal deccor you know you really want ……

spot the spacious living room.. you trip over on the way to the kitchen.
spot the refurbished bathroom… errr sink.
spot the feature staircase ….. well try at least……

the bathroom that can be anyway up or round ….. pink mats hint which is correct way.

visit ikea with no ideas how to upgrade your hallway…… stick on vinyls errrrmmm… …… i hope they come off!

My fave is the well. what could you do with such an amazing feature? glaze it over and put the shittiest table ever over it!! obvious..