April 28, 2007

Yesterday was HOT here.  I’d decided to take the car to get the exhaust fixed, did this in the morning, thought i felt a bit odd walking back.  Decided if another panic was pending the best thing was to be active and work through it….   I added some more to my little veg plot and cleared one of the pathways beside the old barn.

 Panic still kinda pending, cant explain but it was.  Started watering the new seeds and WHAM  panic….  ok not too bad, work through it…  NOT working.  Its getting worse gone right up my face and giving a brain freeze and the worst pain in my head.   I go to neighbours for help, the woman opposite saw i was in trouble and closed her door, the woman next door did not answer dispite seeing me at the door.

 Nookie was in BIG trouble now 😦  I rounded up my animals and got them in the house.  Its stupid but when these panics hit you really think your time is up, and I wanted to ensure the animals where accounted for.  Now i’m doing stupid things … and fall over.  My head feels like no panic i’ve ever had and the pain in my arms and face is really nasty.  I have to ring for an ambulance, they arrive very fast however.

The guys obviously never seen a panic mid flow before?  Not realising that touching me is gonna flip me out.  They cant stop me moving (its my way of dealing with it) they cant get me in the ambulance (small spaces heat and lack of air not a good move)  so after a min or so …. Nookie triple checks his animals are all there I agree to go to the ambulance.   and ALL the neighbours are standing there watching…………………

In the ambulance they do a heart rate test where one guy in french says ‘oh fuck look at that!’ being the heart rate was very very high..  the other guy agrees he’s never seen anything that high before.   You can imagine thats gonna calm me right down?

Without warning the thing sets off at high speed with the sirens going!!!   errrr Nookie panics more.  I really cannot breathe now..  they really are missing the point.   They really motored to the hospital and I wont say that was the smoothest or most pleasant ride i ever had!    Eventually it subsided, but it has left me with the most odd headache and pain in my arms 😦

The hospital just said ‘go home now’  and …….  its up to me to get a taxi home!!   that cost 64€  almost another attack at that price!!!

So there, that is the worst so far in 4 years, most to due to the fact is felt in my head and face ………   i’d try to explain but i cant.  Most panic attacks you know you will be ok and you take control, that one was a nasty bastard and really hurt too.  Before the ambulance sped off the guy kept telling me my animals are in the house and safe (i knew that)!!!  what he was missing was the panic was slamming and pulsing and so powerful at that point i ‘knew’ that was it……..   i wanted to be with my animals 😦  they are my family.

I wont call an ambulance again


New pics added;

April 20, 2007


Found the pictures I have posted on Mums digital camera.  Was the only time it ws used.  There is also a few pictures of Mum on there that really upset me.  Taken about the time we realised the builders had ripper her off.  She looks so upset and trying to smile holding her cat Herbert.

 I so want to get hold of those builders and remind them

one day the last thing you will ever see will be me“.

The little horrors

April 20, 2007

they got in on their own!!!  taken about 6mths ago.  I’d lost them but found !!!


expensive external pc hard drives?

April 13, 2007

yes they are and i have one a 500gb one.  SOOO big it takes a decade to find anything on it.  However i got a 3.5″ external drive ‘case’ for 20€  about 25$!  put in an old HDD from a long dead pc and ………………  one 40gb external hard drive for 20€!  

I also put in an extra cooling fan and memory into the PC.  all salvaged bits from here and there.  Damned if I can afford a new PC and even more damned if I want that new Vista thing …..  looks like total poo.

PS; talking of total poo; IE7.   Got it yet?  I did and its shite, can they make the buttons smaller?  really can they?  the back button is smaller than my mouse curser.  ‘leave things alone you bastards, and sort out the crap you are selling’

semi rant mode

too much time alone

April 10, 2007

getting old and talking to myself a lot .   some words i tend to play with with the animals.  ‘cheap shoes’ the dogs know as calm down.  and ‘queue’  said  q ue ue  get the cats going mad.  I know i’ve lost it, but amuses me 🙂

Kitties don’t like being outside

April 9, 2007

yesterday and today have been very hot, so i decided its time to do something with mums poor plants in pots.  I’ve lost a lot while we waited and waited on the house that never happened.  They remain in pots but now buried to keep the roots cooler.  I created a 20′ sq area and they are there, along with my little veg garden 🙂  runner beans, onions, garlic and courgettes (zuccini) round.   Found a roll of really shit old fencing and have made that a dog free zone.

 So while taking various breaks digging …. I made some tea and took the kitties up the garden.  bank holiday and sunny so everyone is out and about and so many motorbikes too.  The noise at the road out front annoying.  and it freaked the kitties, who all torn me to bits and dived back in the house.  Huge fluffy tails and not wanted to go outside again.   Well in a way i’m pleased they dont like it, dont have to worry about them on THAT road.

george and rupert (big brave boys) the worst and biggest tails of all 🙂  also that pair are taking to ‘body slams’.  one up the stairs one in the kitchen and run to each other at high speed slamming sideways on……………………………  the little girls are more interested in eating any flies that come in the house .  odd lot.

My other blogs are taking shape

April 5, 2007

Nothing spectacular, but keep me occupied

ceramics http://carltonware.wordpress.com/

trains etc http://trains.wordpress.com/